Election Guide to What the Parties are Saying

election party rosettes

On the election beat we have bumped into a number of party people on their electioneering rounds:

We have reported on some recent events held by Labour and eaten food at them too.

We met a group of Conservatives on a recent outing. Initially we thought their leaflets were from a building society or perhaps the Greens as the logo – a small sketch of a tree, little resembles the huge red-white-blue dominated billboards popping up at roadsides.

We have yet to spot a Liberal Democrat in the wild  and have received just one leaflet through the letter-box. With Nick Clegg doing so well on the telly you would think that they’d want to capitalise on that.

From other parties, little to be seen or heard – but there are parties out there that we are happy to not see or hear things from.

Other than the debates on TV the party reps themselves seem to have kept their heads down for fear of saying the wrong thing – or saying the right thing to the wrong people – resulting in a near invisible election that we are assured is the most important since 1997 (or 1979).

So, based on the available evidence, reading between the lines – here is what our experts decoded from the messages we received.

What the Parties are Saying – When they are Actually Saying Things.

Labour:

You know what we’re about, fairness, equality, investment in the NHS & Schools, Nursing the economy back to heath and in case you want some of that Change that the others are shouting about we are offering a Fresh Start for the new economic recovery, Britain is not broken.

Conservatives:

We are for Change. Plus all the stuff they said but more efficiency without cutbacks in services, Change, out with quango’s, in with consultants, lower taxes but lower prices too, without lowering levels of services, more freedom to pay for things directly, more flags, Change, and no cutbacks in services – well maybe a few, but nothing to worry about really.

Liberal Democrats:

We are sensible, we are nice, we are all for equality and fairness, we are for people but not anti-business. We are neither of the parties above which in itself is is a real change. It’s going to be tough, we know there will be cutbacks. We want to make them as painless as possible and we admitting it upfront ’cause we want to show you can trust us.

Some Other Parties 1:

We don’t like what the others are doing or saying, you don’t like what the others are doing or saying, so agree with us instead we will pretend to agree with you so we can can congratulate ourselves on how right we really are and how rubbish,evil and not-like-us the rest are.

Some Other Parties 2:

We really aren’t comfortable with the whole politics thing, it’s kind-of nasty, but we a very concerned about (an important issue) and you probably are too if you think about it.

Note from the editor: This is almost the last article about the election we promise.